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[02 Aug 2006|09:12pm]
T0ASTER BANDIT: yesterday at amandas we dressed up her dog funny and tortured it, took a picture and sent it to her mom. there was a message that read "bring us sandwiches or the dog wears the tutu." she came home like OMG WTF DID YOU DO TO THE DOG ARRRGH...while holding sandwiches :-)
chase the monkey!

Mighty Amanda [29 Jan 2006|01:40pm]
My name is Amanda and I am so emo. My boyfriend loves me and I tell him I love his but. I love Taking Back Sunday because that is emo, not pop. Emo doesn't go back to the 80's, Gerard Way invented emo this year. I owuld go gay for him. Just kidding I'm bisexuall. I lol lol myspace. I cut myself when i'm alone because rod stewart has a mole and he hides in my closet waiting to butrape me. i kind of likeit but i don'ttellhim because then he wont g3et off. i haveto scream "no, hit singer,no you are great but your penis is too big and rotuhnd." I prefer to rub peanut oil over my dead carcus b/c i think exfoliants are oriental like my dead maid who never cleans my room. BUT. androginIII. the V at the end of my name means 5555555555555555555555555555551/2. i like being obese because then you cant tell when i get an erection, BUTTT. they refuse to feed me, they hide in the shadows the VERY BIG SHADOWES OF MY LOVE FOR AN AFRODEESEEACT . ROD STEWART REALLY doesnt want me i want to rape him, but everybody loves amanda-EE thats a long EE sounds opposed to a short EH sound. DONT WORRY AmandaEE WILL NEVER BE ALONE>>>>my penis is long I GOTS THE GIRTH TO RULE THE NATION...FEAR ME AND BRING ME ARTICHOKES . My hair is a statement that "i dont cut myself for attention i just like lucious curls and when i wake up i feel pretty." i am so 9pretty. i love to feelmyself 4 the pretty. thank you rod haha rod haha like fishing rod haha haha ROFLLOLBBQSTDhIVHOVLANE. sometimes when i speak i hear the birds telling me to beecome dictatortot of the world but i saysnO. those birds don't know what they talkin about. i listen to the leprocaun because i am italian ANDTHAT explains my perfect figure. i like to eat shrimp infront of my minivan because it helps the enviornment. i will become a writer and i will write books like "perk ofwallflower" to insprire rat faced pe0ople with hairin they eyes and too big lips. eheeh. eh thats eh-heeeee long 'E' again you will learn to say my name. I am the great I am god god god.

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....FOR WHEN THE GREAT OPENING OF PUBES FALLS UPON THIS GREAT Nation, our husbands will RISE TOGETHR ....ohhh...TO BECOME ...one super mighty power ranger.

Together, we must wear o9ur sweaters too tight and learn to teach the children that the razor has sharp ends of expression. That is all.

3969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. [27 Jan 2006|12:12pm]
Fun Facts For All You Crack Out Parents At Home Watching the Home-Shopping Network
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Chuck Norris Facts
1. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

2. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

3. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

4. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

5. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

6. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

7. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

9. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

10. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

11. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

12. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

13. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

14. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

15. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego

...For Additional Facts http://chucknorrisfacts.com/
1969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

he's got the healing powers of medicinal marijuana [08 Jan 2006|09:26pm]
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...need i say more
1969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

Droppin Balls [31 Dec 2005|09:50am]

You Won't Stop Smoking, so give up

After playing Fight Club for 3 days, fighting for the ultimate prize Abe Lincoln woman...as Bob the titty-bitch with the smiley face t-shirt, stuart and i gave up.

We thought New Years Day would be a good oppurtunity to go bang pots on 25A, we gots beeps.

..Otherwise I had unwanted company until 4:20 in the a.m.

...its 9:55 AM, school's back

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1969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

Psycho CHER strikes A-gain [04 Nov 2005|01:35pm]
...Stuart + Soas concocked another magnificent shinagnigan. Yeah we tee-peed my house, yeah i tp'ed my own house, but my petite drunken mother came outside and called the police on the kids that were bothering us...and who would you believe..me or the immature kiddies...of course i won. Yeah my fucking mother called the police and when the kids said they saw two girls running around with dignity that they were tp'ing their own house, the nice officer asked where i was and my mother lied...nice ay. But nontheless, priscilla and i traded clothes, i put on her shorts and her t-shirt and pretended to be the innocent jogger passing my block when i saw the cop car.
Heh..see the toliet paper, see the kid...see the significance...oh yeah
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1969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

Asylum Hopping [04 Nov 2005|01:20pm]
..yeah, well Priscilla and I [ha! proper grammar] Decided to go to Kings Park Abandoned Asylum, yeah we got pulled over cause its State Patrol, yeah we thought they were doing some reverse pyschology, but they werent kidding. We gots pulled over by Big Mac state officer, who took his job just a bit too seriously. We pulled the "We are chics therefore we are totally oblivious" routine...we be ok, WE GOTS COCOA PUFFS. Yeah we had a box of quintessential cocoa puffs, they key to surviving asylum hopping. Yeah we memorized a random street name and said we of course, missed the turn passed a bunch of abandoned buildings turned back and parked in front of one of them.
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Kings Park Abandoned Insane Asylum
I heard the fucking generators..its lives
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..yeah he started with the questions, calling us urban explorers..people that trespass to take video documentries...yeah, im not going that far out, i was there to kill time.
1969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

Aren't Men Fun to play with.... [25 Sep 2005|07:10pm]
I'm such a wanka!

..stimulation of the penisCollapse )

...this is he...I bet he think he's steamin sexy
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5969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

..no more trips to the beach at 5 am..dang [09 Sep 2005|11:40am]
Hermm..Alright..Well I guess I left out the day were I was dubbed the permission to drive, chyea that would be my birthday..i be 17, as well as a fully licensed resbonsible driver...['That means that the next time we decide to take [my] mom's car and honk outside someones house for a half hour it's completely legal and insured.']Stuart...I thought I get down and dirty and stay at the Chelsea Hotel, eat at a Tranny Bar..where one of the transvestite offered us alcohol on the single condition that sh/man saw a 'towering erect penis'..yeah i be emphasizing a wee bit much. Yeah so umm Priscilla and I split zay 225 dallor fee where we were accomodated in the Hotel where Sid supposively killed Nancy..we also brought along the bear essentials...men. [which was a bad call on my part]...cause men, balls, hormones, girls and hotels rooms...mean uncontrollable sexual urges...but i thought they'd be on good behavior..Malik the recruiter boy was well composed bravo..my man. Well Billy got a the tranny version of Opera's # and found that to be unbelievable incredible..cause phone sex with men...is hott..steamin bitch..yeah you got my flow....so yeah we bumped into people that went to my school [Jen, Anthony, Shawn and Lindsey]...we exchanged numbers...oh man...she called me later to come back to the hotel, a little tipsay...but its all good...we kind of doused Anthony and then he felt so inclined to taking off his shirt and doing the moonwalk...yeah that made my night...then umm Jen politcally debated with some intoxicated Indie/Rodeo crack junkie about the Bush Administration...so uhh Anthony went on about how he had...leather bound books..and how his apartment..smells of mahogany..o yeah he shoved a fork up his bum cause i told him too..bad move...
So to conclude this epic event, a little somethin somethin happened, a not going to be discussed somethin somthin, and i was on the 4:45 AM train back to New Hyde Park...will Jen [since i kind of bumped into them agains at PENN.]...so umm yeah i had to drive them home and still be back at the house at 7, HA!...yeah they ate bagels while i ran 12 blocks...got in car...drove them to Locust Valley Station and sped home.

...I was up a from 37 hours,

I walk in the house
Mom: [yeah i don't know]
Response: ".......fuck!"

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chase the monkey!

..Ah! I fancay a spot o' McDonalds! [28 Jul 2005|12:36am]
...Otay then!
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1. We [as in I and Priscilla (Ha! bad grammar)...anywho] Intricately planned a weekend of Risky Business that t'was the zenith [as defined by dictionary.com to be]...
ze·nith ( P ) Pronunciation Key (znth)

1. The point on the celestial sphere that is directly above the observer.
2. The upper region of the sky.
3. The highest point above the observer's horizon attained by a celestial body.
4. The point of culmination; the peak

...of my summer [yeah i like understanding what im reading so i'm going to define what i likes to define, fag]

yeah to the point, I convinced my parents i was at priscilla's while, priscilla convinced her parents she was at the boat with me...but if we weren't where could we be?...Of course the house of central air, the casa de mi. We thought we'd have Troy over for a un-watched-by-mummy [complements of Stuart]boy-girl-girl sleepover, but he ditched...what an oppurtunity...so, yeah i kinda took out my mother's 60,000 [that would be sixty-thousand if we dont know numbers] dollar car, the pride and precious of her world, and drove it without a liciense to Locust Valley from Malverne...so by time we got there i was pumped...and running around his front lawn..i even got a peep at his mom in curlers and a night gown..what a gorgeous sight...[30 minutes later..]..after i had been through the lawn setting off motion light detectors, speeding around the block a couple of times...i realize this gas tank thing in the corner with this pill looking gas gage, yeah okay i wasnt empty it was actually full but i kinda thoughts it wasnt...so i sped, then breaked [police car] then sped some more, until i got blown off by Abdul who was closed and then finally hit on the second gas guy to ....get a load of this.....how to put gas in the car...i asked two guys, im such a cock teese...i know...priscilla was the only smart one you thought to pay so he could unlock the tank..yeah..well my mom got 20 BUCKS FREE WORTH OF PREMIUM!...oh chyea!..we had french bread pizza after i re-parked the car 4 times...and oh yeah, since i didnt adjust the side mirrow..since im so sly like that i almost hit the fat bitch in a red shit box in the lane next to me..i was lane changing gimme a break...priscilla my loving bundle of adderall was suppose to be looking out the window...but i love her nontheless

2. ..Next Day. [City]..FAO Swartz, played air-hockey with this spoiled asian kid that cheated no less...oh he bad...yeah um i chased pigeons...Erm i fell asleep and missed our train stop...everybody thinks im so god dang reliable but i ain't!..i need a solid 3 hours of sleep a day....We got back and since we're already doing a 'No-No!'...we randomly decided to go to Long Bitch at 9 o'clocker...and stay
u n t il 5 am, the next train...Of course we packed the best...I brought a whisk, for our protection of courseGarbCollapse )
I must thank the naked help crisis hotline, Billy, for calling every 1/2 an hour to make sure we still had a pulse...damn it cold
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...We also forgot that after hour bathroom use at the beach was prohibited so we had utilize the darkness under the broadwalk..for privacy of course

...I love how the whole god forsaken beach is empty and the Doobie Snack Gang sits right next to us...when they saw the police, yeah they all froze like Simon Sez bitch...they tossed a perfectly good reefer...I was willing to protect my equisite Peanut Butter Chips Ahoy Cookies against munchies....Erm, me being 'Spazzy Mc Spazatron' [..as Billy puts it], i kinda decided to walk on the rocks and forget bout the slippery sea moss gizzay and slashed my leg, and didnt notice it until the salt water made it burn..Aw man, perfection!

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..yeah we got home and disposed of the evidence, that must of been the best clean job i've ever done + I was running on my reserve tank, i was 1/2 awake...made some parental phone calls...Did A Little Scrubby Dubby..and passed out until 1 when my parents came home clueless..i love how they trust me.

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3. Last Night..We decided to go out at 10, with my parents asleep...in the house this time. Went to the Witches Brew and on the way happen to run into a bunch of gorgeous stoned British guys in a gray PT Crusier..[yes i remember the color of zay car]..looking for Charles Place...yeah Carle Place..well lets just say that me and stuart fancied them...as we were crossing the street again they stopped us again and said...Mc Dollnalds..we fancy it..where is it?...oh i love it, we thought the next time they stop us we should pick up their accent and see if they noticed..but the next time they passed us we were going in the other direction...aw shucks.

..After that we were encountered by a Jewish fellow, He wanted to touch us, ['get physical']..to prove that just because he was religious that he could be intimate to...i really hope thats not how he meets women..but we gave him hug...The Iced 'Red Death' Espresso I do believe it t'was was excellent...when it was time to stuck ourselves in for the night..we kept on calling the taxi man to see if he would give a different price, but in the end we had to skip tipping our waiter guy...im sorry, i was going to leave a love letter on a napkin but priscilla thought not... oh darn

I made some pretty damn good pillow shaped people to subsitute our absence...
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2969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

...The Hunchback Man That Lost His Way [13 Jul 2005|11:23pm]
...Old Man Got Hit By My Train Yesterday, and i'd like to take some time to acknowledge the hunchback bag of bones, He no more...
These Be Me condolences...Leave One Entitled, 'Old Man That Lost His Shoes' at http://www.malvernefuneralhome.com/index2.html

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Malverne Funeral Home

Thank You For Filling Out This Form
Below is what you submitted to walsh@malvernefuneralhome.com on Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 22:13:12

Name of Deceased: Old Man That Lost His Shoes

Date: July 13, 2005

Message: ...come back,...for your shoes...they fell off...i love you.RIP

Senders Name: Soas

Submit: Submit


Name of Deceased: Old Man That Lost His Shoes

Date: July 13, 2005

Message: ...where'd he go, why doesn't he have a name, he has...i mean *tear* had a hunchback

Senders Name: Soas

Submit: Submit

Ah..Zay Movie SurveyCollapse )
2969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

I heard the hymen was an amusement park [28 May 2005|09:00pm]
It 'tis Saturday and me and stuart [stuart and I [the proper english way]] have eaten a whooping amount of 6 white castle burgers of rich goodness......I LOVE STUART AND she is better than all zee mail-order brides, i know.
...hehe, i heard thee hymen was an amusement park, is dat' right?..lmmsso..<3 ..[this entry for stuart none of you other fools]
6969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

Fluffy Homos! [15 May 2005|07:16pm]
HA!...i told you...they fluffy

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...and o yes how could i forget 'the crack hole'

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7969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

too much drugs...and cheese... [13 May 2005|09:13pm]
back in my dad..LOOK WHAT WE DIDCollapse )
1969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

Fluffy Homos! [01 May 2005|02:55pm]
'Mulkalie Culkin likes his special K...that means he likes his CRACK!..and might i add he looks stunning in cocanuts and feathers'-PARTY MONSTERS
...if your are completly out of your mind, and homosexually active make sure you see that movie, again PARTY MONSTER where Seth Green & Mulkalie C. run around in customes that are not that becoming.

...Stuarts the best, although im not going to be a big faker like Martha, me and Stuart are ['i guess metaphorically "fags"']; those damn chick flic tear-jerker movies, actually got to us...but theres no fucking way im revealing any movie titles. But i may say that Stuart cracked a good one during the movie. [heres a little background...rich girl and country boy fall in love...countray boy is 'trash'..po'r countray boy he's the only one of his folk who can read]...but yeah risc [Stuart] was like i'd be the bastard country boy building the house for troy 'the rich white boy'...aw stuart..gotta love ya...i want some bay-coon and som chic-coon
4969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

[28 Apr 2005|09:46pm]
..yeah i'm gonna make a Daytona Dodge charger out of TACO PACKETS!
1969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

[26 Apr 2005|07:40pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

This is an excuse to think, I'm not liking this but ill do it for the best hooka in all the land.

...i'm thinkin all you people gots lots to say cause you people actually remember what you do during your day...soo umm...

Ha!...i distracted a fat man from his french fry and he ran his car on the curve; i seem to have that magical charm over obese people and for those who dont like the word OBESE dervied from OBSESITY or otherwise defined as [Extremely fat; grossly overweight] we can call it 'blessed with excess' [quoted from the best, the one and only stuart]....that was superb.

3969 got rabies|chase the monkey!

doody! [25 Apr 2005|05:53pm]
[ mood | amused ]


chase the monkey!

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